Choosing between bad and worse
This is a strange title I know. I have struggled recently with this statement since I heard a preacher tell the story of how he had advised the big brother of a small child to beat the man who had been molesting the small boy. The preacher said, "We can be all holy, but when the reality of life comes crashing around you, sometimes you need to choose between bad and worse."
I have of course abbreviated the illustration. I have been stretched by this statement, because I see us as Christians faced with this dilemma quite often. I have known good Christians who have not liked the fact that their child has decided to cohabitate with a partner, but have helped them find good shelter, instead of living in substandard housing. Other Christians have criticized this decision as "helping those two set up house." The fact is the couple had already set up house. I suggested that although the parents were opposed to the way the relationship had worked out, you sometimes had to choose between enabling and losing relationship, by being ungraceful. I used the line about "bad and worse." My friends said that is always "good and bad "and went as far as to imply that my other friends may be sinning because of the way they were enabling an "elicit relationship." I thought about the story of the prodigal son and how that might apply.
Are there other situations where it might apply? I am opposed to war. Some would suggest that our invasion of Iraq saved thousands of lives, because of the brutality of the regime of Sadaam Hussein. Is that choosing between bad and worse? I am not against our troops, anti-military or unpatriotic. I am wondering if bad and worse rationale applies.
Where do we fall on these questions and others as Christians? Are there really bad and worse scenarios or is that a cop out? Is it always good and bad? I am struggling with this myself. Did that preacher have a point about this? Was it just rhetoric and an easy way out on his part?
What do you think?
I have of course abbreviated the illustration. I have been stretched by this statement, because I see us as Christians faced with this dilemma quite often. I have known good Christians who have not liked the fact that their child has decided to cohabitate with a partner, but have helped them find good shelter, instead of living in substandard housing. Other Christians have criticized this decision as "helping those two set up house." The fact is the couple had already set up house. I suggested that although the parents were opposed to the way the relationship had worked out, you sometimes had to choose between enabling and losing relationship, by being ungraceful. I used the line about "bad and worse." My friends said that is always "good and bad "and went as far as to imply that my other friends may be sinning because of the way they were enabling an "elicit relationship." I thought about the story of the prodigal son and how that might apply.
Are there other situations where it might apply? I am opposed to war. Some would suggest that our invasion of Iraq saved thousands of lives, because of the brutality of the regime of Sadaam Hussein. Is that choosing between bad and worse? I am not against our troops, anti-military or unpatriotic. I am wondering if bad and worse rationale applies.
Where do we fall on these questions and others as Christians? Are there really bad and worse scenarios or is that a cop out? Is it always good and bad? I am struggling with this myself. Did that preacher have a point about this? Was it just rhetoric and an easy way out on his part?
What do you think?
posted by Larry at 10:18 PM
11 Comments:
Questions like these scare the crap out of me because what I think some of my answers would be and what I think they should be are often different things.
"Grace" is a scary, unnatural, challenging word for me, but people I love and respect have helped me begin to understand it and it's ramifications on real life.
Tough question. For the past several years I've had the same question when it comes to condoms. When you know somebody (especially a young person) is going to have sex anyway, do you offer them a lifesaver or not?
I was there when that preacher told that story, if my memory serves me correctly. I didn't see anything wrong with beating a person who molests small boys. (I actually think male sex offenders should be castrated by the government - apologies if that's a little offensive.)
I know that Bart's story was a little more complex, in that, I think, they couldn't go to the cops (because they were corrupt or would only aggravate the situation?), but I think maybe there's a third option.
Not trying to escape reality here, but I read stories about men and women of prayer who always overcame situations by using wisdom beyond human capacity. I automatically think of the wisdom of Solomon, when he had to choose which mother to give a baby to - "Cut him in half".
I honestly think we're not enough immersed in who God is to tackle some of these problems, because many times they're not cut and dry answers. Truth never changes, but our response to situations should be flexible according to the wisdom of God and movement of Holy Spirit.
"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:8
I've already given my opinion on Bart's story. Someone close to me is in the same situation as your second story. The prodigal son puts an interesting perspective on it. Was the father right to give his son all of his inheritance that early? God's generosity to us - fully knowing our rebellion before the fall - suggests to me yes.
Maybe it's a bit like giving money to a beggar whose got alcohol on his breath. You know he may die if he doesn't eat. You know he will probably spend your money on a 40 of Schlitz. What do you do? Give him money? Or drive him to the ARC? Hmmm.
The Iraq war is a toughie. I am dismayed at the number of civilian lives lost over there, but encouraged by the prospect of a people free from tyranny. I think bad and worse applies best here, especially on these large-scale type problems...
...which brings us back to prayer - fervent prayer - for the people who have big parts in making such consequential decisions.
Phil,
Thanks for your thoughts. I understand your comment about immersion in prayer. I agree. I think there is more though.
I know we have committed to the Lord in prayer the kids who are living together. We have prayed and continue to commit the situation and the parents in prayer to The Lord.
When you don't have peace....what do you do,when the decision needs to be made now? Everything within you screams both sides of the story are right. Does this say something about our faith, our morals or our weak backbones? I am just not sure. Maybe I am too wishy washy on this stuff.
Gotta say, I'd love to bury my head in the sand about this one. I felt physically sick hearing that story - cause it made me feel so helpless. What to do if you were in that situation?
On the prayer thing; how much do we trust God when we ask Him for the desires of our heart? I know it is pretty easy to hope for an answer - I hope for things all the time - but to really pray knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that God will bring around a resolution more perfect that our wildest imaginations would allow; that takes something more. I don't know if there is much more to it L, I don't know... Is there anything more to believing that God will do what He says He can do, than actually doing it? I know it sounds like a PAT answer, but sometimes the answer is staring us in the face and we choose to look for something more complex. I think sometimes we do so badly at the things we refer to as "foundational" to our relationship with God, when really we just think we have perfected that part, and like everything else our human minds attempt, when it loses it’s novelty effect, we mover on, and choose the new popular method, to intellectualizing it all.
"I often say my prayers, but do I ever pray, and do the whispers of my heart go with these words I say? I mean as well kneel down, and worship god's of stone, as offer to the LIVING GOD a prayer of words alone."
Let’s not take anything away from Him, He can do what He says He can do; He has an answer for that couple, I cannot believe he doesn’t, it goes against everything else I believe. Christ died for us while we were sinners…that is me today, the same as it is for that couple who may not be living according to God’s good and perfect will.
I always remember the story of the baby and Solomon, I remember being so confused as a wee one and then so impressed when I realized what Solomon was doing. He wanted to see who loved the baby more; the real mother would give her own up to save it.
Grace and accountability, where does one kick in? Which one should kick in first?
I once heard said of a notable SA officer, "He errs on the side of grace." I can't think of a nicer compliment to pay someone - also I can't think of something more desperately needed in the world today. Recently, someone who doesn't know me too well accused me of being judgmental - I am not perfect, but never have I been more insulted.
I don't know what I would do - I know I want eternity for them, I know that I would pray for them without ceasing - I don't need to know all the answers. As you know, I’m reading “What’s so amazing about grace?” right now, it’s amazing me. In it the author refers to a brilliant man, given words ten to describe the Christian experience, “We’re all bastards God loves us anyway.” Aren’t you glad? Shame we condition people for our love.
A brilliant woman, who has me call her mom, let me vent to her about those who were participating in church, and my opinions on their lifestyle choices. She let me say my piece(s) and then, when I had finally finished, she said only this, “Yes, Mhairi, but they need Jesus too.”
Grace…costs the giver everything, and the receiver, nothing.
Mhairi,
Thanks for your response. I think though that it is more complicated. We must believe that we as the Church are part of the resolution. It is in playing our part that the human element enters.
When that happens, we must pray and believe, but we also are called to love and act in love. That is relationship. "Faith without works is dead."
We are called to believe and act in loving relationship. How best to love and share truth is the quandary.
I think one of the really poignant parts of Bart's story and something that applies to the enabling of cohabitation situation is that when Bart got home after instructing the boys to carry out the beatdown, he basically said that he crumbled in a heap, crying and asked forgiveness for what he had done. By saying so, Bart wasn't saying that he had second-guessed what he had done, but that he recognized the bad as sin and the worse as worse.
I think those that would condemn these parents are making an incredibly gray situation far too black and white. Knowing none of the individuals involved, I would hazard a guess that helping out the young couple did not come without some gut-wrenching soul-searching and prayer.
When we err on the side of judgment instead of grace, we too often boil complicated hard situations down to "good and bad." I have to agree with you, Larry and Bart that sometimes good isn't really in the picture or is so far out of focus that the choice is between bad and worse. If we spent more time loving those who need it and being "in the water," we'd probably find that living out our faith is a lot more complicated than we would prefer it to be.
What's better--to stand by in love while people make bad decisions or to excommunicate them in their time of need? In many ways, it's more courageous for a set of Christian parents to put their necks out there like this than it would be to turn their backs in the name of principle or their faith. Faith in action loves these guys through the situation, it doesn't kick them to the curb.
Provocative.
Someone once said to me...hate the sin not the sinner...
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Larry. Why were the two posts removed? John B
ps do you ever ask easy questions?
pss is there a way to print out individual blogs?
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