Public Persona?
I have a carefully crafted image. Most of us do. We try not to let people in to the most secret part of us. It is true in the church in general. For some reason in the very community where there should be openness and healing, we go about concealing our true selves.
I confess that I am among that number. I fear making people uncomfortable or fear offending. I fear hurting the image of the wise-cracking, confident, visionary. For sure, all those are part of me. If you are like me, you carry insecurity. You carry distrust. You carry fear of rejection. This can lead to really unhealthy relationships.
They are relationships that are unholy. They are not unholy because of blatantly rebelling against the will of God. They are unholy relationships because of our nature of falleness and brokeness.
A boss who because of her insecurity has to control every decision in the office environment, but calls it "holding people accountable" is an unholy relationship. Bosses should nurture and correct in love. A husband who is so private he holds back his real hurt, fear and shame from his wife, because "he is the head of a Christian household" is unholy. The parent who never allows their children to openly share their disappointment with a them and takes it as rebellion when it is a cry for help is unholy. A church that will not forgive when even the most grievous offense is committed, is unholy. A church where people feel too intimidated to share their hearts in accountability and testimony of failure is unhealthy.
The reason behind our public persona and the unholy relationships, is simply the sin of distrust that is bred by an unholy culture. Confession, forgiveness and vulnerability are the only ways to open up the grace of God which needs to flow in order to make this church and our culture holy.
Over the past few days, I have experienced that. A series of events has led me to open up in a new way to my community and family. They have caused me to have to repent for my own distrust. They have caused me to make an attempt at building healthy and holy relationships of trust and grace. The problem, quite frankly, is that these types of relationships are not easy. They often hurt before they heal. They make our public persona crumble and realize that our crafted image is not always the best thing since sliced bread, even though we might think it is.
I have realized some very tough things over these days. They are probably things that people have seen in me for years. I wish I had acknowledged and confessed them before. I fear that because I have not, I have hurt people to cover my own insecurity.
I wonder if there will ever come a day in this authoritarian movement and in the Church in general, where people will feel free to confess, be vulnerable, and be trusting, because they know they will find forgiveness, support and grace. Maybe it's because The Church for too long has not restored, forgiven or cared the way it should. Maybe the cause is that those of us who call ourselves leaders have forgotten how to trust someone, because our public persona might crumble or we might feel some relationship pain or not be sent where we feel we should be. That is a bankrupt and unholy way to live. Maybe we just fear getting hurt.
Are we a culture of trust? Am I expecting too much? Is it all just a matter of confession, grace and trust? How can we make it happen in the Church and in our Movement?
As with all my posts, I want to know....What do you think?
I confess that I am among that number. I fear making people uncomfortable or fear offending. I fear hurting the image of the wise-cracking, confident, visionary. For sure, all those are part of me. If you are like me, you carry insecurity. You carry distrust. You carry fear of rejection. This can lead to really unhealthy relationships.
They are relationships that are unholy. They are not unholy because of blatantly rebelling against the will of God. They are unholy relationships because of our nature of falleness and brokeness.
A boss who because of her insecurity has to control every decision in the office environment, but calls it "holding people accountable" is an unholy relationship. Bosses should nurture and correct in love. A husband who is so private he holds back his real hurt, fear and shame from his wife, because "he is the head of a Christian household" is unholy. The parent who never allows their children to openly share their disappointment with a them and takes it as rebellion when it is a cry for help is unholy. A church that will not forgive when even the most grievous offense is committed, is unholy. A church where people feel too intimidated to share their hearts in accountability and testimony of failure is unhealthy.
The reason behind our public persona and the unholy relationships, is simply the sin of distrust that is bred by an unholy culture. Confession, forgiveness and vulnerability are the only ways to open up the grace of God which needs to flow in order to make this church and our culture holy.
Over the past few days, I have experienced that. A series of events has led me to open up in a new way to my community and family. They have caused me to have to repent for my own distrust. They have caused me to make an attempt at building healthy and holy relationships of trust and grace. The problem, quite frankly, is that these types of relationships are not easy. They often hurt before they heal. They make our public persona crumble and realize that our crafted image is not always the best thing since sliced bread, even though we might think it is.
I have realized some very tough things over these days. They are probably things that people have seen in me for years. I wish I had acknowledged and confessed them before. I fear that because I have not, I have hurt people to cover my own insecurity.
I wonder if there will ever come a day in this authoritarian movement and in the Church in general, where people will feel free to confess, be vulnerable, and be trusting, because they know they will find forgiveness, support and grace. Maybe it's because The Church for too long has not restored, forgiven or cared the way it should. Maybe the cause is that those of us who call ourselves leaders have forgotten how to trust someone, because our public persona might crumble or we might feel some relationship pain or not be sent where we feel we should be. That is a bankrupt and unholy way to live. Maybe we just fear getting hurt.
Are we a culture of trust? Am I expecting too much? Is it all just a matter of confession, grace and trust? How can we make it happen in the Church and in our Movement?
As with all my posts, I want to know....What do you think?
posted by Larry at 6:04 PM
5 Comments:
Developing trust is some of the most intensive work to find. It makes or breaks the level of communication. When someone doesn't trust it is palpable and tangible. When someone does trust it is just as palpable and tangible.
It is never automatic, but when it is followed through it is so refreshing and affirming.
I usderstad what you are saying and I could not agree with you more. Where is the form to speak out our discuss things. O I better be careful or I will be in trouble also
Transparency is scary and invites criticism. Like David who danced before the Lord....His wife didn't appreciate him "putting it all out there"
I think it is amusing that very few have made comments on this one.
Are we afraid to say what we really think on this subject?
Trust and fear are at the root of this.
I have felt called to transparency...it has not always been comfortable or enjoyable.
Hey- hello to Janet and Happy Thanksgiving!
good word
Interesting post . . . I’ve been out of the blog loop for quite some time . . .
I agree with your premise on the trust issue. But when people are threatened by what another person would perceive as true then you’ve got a problem. People defend what they believe is true even if it’s only perception.
If I perceive that an employee is stealing then I will respond to my perception whether it’s true or not. When someone tells me something that they perceive as true (which may or may not be true) then it often becomes gossip and people get hurt.
The truth is, I don’t trust anyone. I’ve learned (the hard way) that I have to be prepared to stand by what I say and do at all times- even if what I did or said was wrong.
This issue is especially challenging for an inbred organization like this one. Blood is thicker than water. It’s also thicker than truth. Our yes needs to be “yes” and our no “no.”
Blessings,
Bret
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