Public Persona Part 2 or Pervasive Spirit?
It has been about two weeks since I blogged on this subject of a public persona. It is interesting what happened.
I noticed that it was several days before my blog got a comment from anyone on my blog. It was, however,interesting that I had several phone calls and emails in response to my blog within hours of the post. I was not surprised.
I asserted in my last blog that what exists in the Church is a culture of distrust. I really believe this to be true. The issues of trust and insecurity in the Church I believe are huge. It was only reinforced by the fact that many of my very close friends and colleagues felt that it was not safe for them to respond in public to my post.
Scripture reminds us to "speak the truth in love." That requires us to trust that the person sharing her response to our disclosure of weakness has our best interest at heart and to trust that they will not intentionally harm us.
Some of the responses I received pointed out that many of the readers of this blog do not feel that they can trust their brothers and sisters in Christ enough to be vulnerable, because their responses could be used against them in some way. There may be times when we are shy against about sharing, because it opens past hurt. I know what it feels like to have a wound opened. It is not fun.
Many of those who commented in private were concerned that some who would pass themselves off as loving or pastoral, would use the comments to advance an agenda that would cause more pain against the ones who were unwilling to share. This is a difficult thing to hear and see happening in the Church. Unfortunately, I think it happens all to often. I confess that in the past, I have been one of the mean spirited ones who would have used this technique.
I think this whole issue of distrust comes from the fact that there are those who would use another's vulnerability to prove they are right, or superior. As I have often said, "Just because we claim to be sanctified does not mean we are superior." It should be just the opposite, if we are to be more like Jesus, we should be less concerned about proving our righteousness than we are with helping others work out their own relationship of love and grace with Jesus. I submit that can only be done if we take off masks, surrender power, realize our own need and begin to build a culture of trust.
For that to happen, our public persona must be dismantled and a God-like character taken on. If we are more like Jesus, don't you think we would be more trusting amd people would be more willing to trust us because we would show genuine empathy and concern?
I sit here tonight saddened. I must believe that trust and safety may have become the two most elusive characteristics of the Church. That will always make for unhealthy relationships.
So how do we restore trust? How do we make for safe community? When can we shed a public persona for a Christ-like loving image in our community of believers? Am I just a negative person or is there a pervasive spirit of distrust in the Church?
What do you think?
I noticed that it was several days before my blog got a comment from anyone on my blog. It was, however,interesting that I had several phone calls and emails in response to my blog within hours of the post. I was not surprised.
I asserted in my last blog that what exists in the Church is a culture of distrust. I really believe this to be true. The issues of trust and insecurity in the Church I believe are huge. It was only reinforced by the fact that many of my very close friends and colleagues felt that it was not safe for them to respond in public to my post.
Scripture reminds us to "speak the truth in love." That requires us to trust that the person sharing her response to our disclosure of weakness has our best interest at heart and to trust that they will not intentionally harm us.
Some of the responses I received pointed out that many of the readers of this blog do not feel that they can trust their brothers and sisters in Christ enough to be vulnerable, because their responses could be used against them in some way. There may be times when we are shy against about sharing, because it opens past hurt. I know what it feels like to have a wound opened. It is not fun.
Many of those who commented in private were concerned that some who would pass themselves off as loving or pastoral, would use the comments to advance an agenda that would cause more pain against the ones who were unwilling to share. This is a difficult thing to hear and see happening in the Church. Unfortunately, I think it happens all to often. I confess that in the past, I have been one of the mean spirited ones who would have used this technique.
I think this whole issue of distrust comes from the fact that there are those who would use another's vulnerability to prove they are right, or superior. As I have often said, "Just because we claim to be sanctified does not mean we are superior." It should be just the opposite, if we are to be more like Jesus, we should be less concerned about proving our righteousness than we are with helping others work out their own relationship of love and grace with Jesus. I submit that can only be done if we take off masks, surrender power, realize our own need and begin to build a culture of trust.
For that to happen, our public persona must be dismantled and a God-like character taken on. If we are more like Jesus, don't you think we would be more trusting amd people would be more willing to trust us because we would show genuine empathy and concern?
I sit here tonight saddened. I must believe that trust and safety may have become the two most elusive characteristics of the Church. That will always make for unhealthy relationships.
So how do we restore trust? How do we make for safe community? When can we shed a public persona for a Christ-like loving image in our community of believers? Am I just a negative person or is there a pervasive spirit of distrust in the Church?
What do you think?
posted by Larry at 6:25 PM
8 Comments:
I must have missed the first post, but I do tend to agree with you about the level of distrust. I see it in the reactions of some of the members of my corps when higher up leadership is discussed. Decisions made in the past certainly still seem to affect my fellow Salvationists here.
As for a solution, I'm not sure I know. The levels of bitterness run very deep in some places and I'm not sure how we work to resolve this!
This comment has been removed by the author.
I'm convinced trust is a huge issue in the church, but the church routinely ignores the many things it could be doing to address the situation. There's a lot of learnings out there both in the church and the wider world that can help, but the attitude is, 'We have scripture so we don't need that'. My shelves here are full with really good materials that nobody around me in the church has ever heard of or seen used.
Church health work based on key areas like self-awareness, healthy communication, healthy decision making, clear role expectations, handling disagreements well and issues around team work and trust building, and behaviour covenant forming, are rarely done in congregational settings. Yet one in five-ish of the UK population has effectively been vaccinated against 'church' by their prior experiences. At what point does the penny drop that we have a problem?
I don't think it is going to within denominations because they basically can't handle the changes that would happen. So people walk away to focus on spirituality rather than religion, and shed all the ghastly baggage that goes with it. If we want the situation to change it starts with us.
Blessings
Eleanor
Merry Christmas
Your posts are provacative this month, exposing strength and weakness together in a bond.
Trust issues are crucial to communication, but I consider that it is overly critical to label the arena of personal trust as weak or lacking if individuals do not exercise the elements of unfettered sharing.
I consider that trust issues must be placed within the parameters of wisdom and careful judgement. Wise disclosure of vulnerability is a key element to communication and trust. It is poor judgement to share every feeling - good or bad, jubilant or depressed - for our lives were not made as colanders which leak everything out. People near us are not to be seen as tools: personal dumping grounds for nuclear-reaction temper tantrums or constantly available sounding boards.
Utilizing good judgement in sharing vulnerability is essential to a trusted communication.
Information that is shared rarely stays information, but becomes part of a strategy. It is not distrustful to keep this relaity in mind - sharing must be seen within the context of what is expected to happen with the shared knowledge. i.e. a rationale for a change of program or name listed. Lists of medications. Recorded dates of hospital stays. Names and dates in a conversation. Receipts. Unexplained daily schedule demands. A medical diagnosis. A file in a computer databank.
In saying all this, I will not highlight my specific reasons for certain areas of mistrust - you are not the area of concern of my mistrust, you are not my nuclear waste dumping grounds nor is there anything that can be specifically done to address such matters. Close contact has brought about a wise judgement that there are some people I do not, cannot and will not trust. That is an established level of wise judgement - it is not unchristian or detrimental to the development of the leadership of the Church.
On the other hand, there are very specific people I do trust, and they have proven their worth of that trust from very specific occasions. I have witnessed their healthy strength, their protective measures, their quick action, their confidentiality.
What I find very taxing is the lengths in which I must go to, time and again, win the trust of people who feel they have rationale as why they won't trust the officers. By citing dates and occasions, recent and distant past, their examples are given as reasons why they don't trust me or the decisions we make. I am weary in the fight to once again regain the trust which was lost - yes, that is sharing which can be volatile - and the effects that it has upon my personal pysche. In having done nothing to deserve the mistrust, I am the recipient of it, yet again.
Rebuilding trust is not the road of least resistance or the smoothest path to walk. It is rocky, loaded with booby traps which are intentionally set and watched from a distance, and it cannot be navigated without some injury.
However, it is the essential Kingdom work, bringing an established measure of trust. Trust issues are Kingdom issues. They are never, ever easy; they are never, ever trivial. It is not wise to insist that all trust issues be eliminated, or all sharing mandatory, or consider that since there are trust issues which are compromised that the whole spectrum of Church should be avoided.
Wise judgement is mature and strong, considerate and temperate, specific and accurate, healing and strengthening.
And that is all I have to say about that...
I am Larry's cyberspace optimistic gadfly. I find culture of honesty and trust in the church is in quantum contrast to many, many other institutions.
Try the corporate world for paranoia and cynical scheming; or, the vindictive jungle of a state college dorm. How about the stupefying mentalities, petty feuds and vendettas found in glass office edifice after glass office edifice in our cities? Let alone the cruel, crude, foul mouthed culture of construction and factory workers.
I recall those days.
The politics of people – present in every social gathering, from the family to the mafia – is comparatively sanctified in the church.
That’s my experience.
What do you think?
Man there are some serious issues being thrown around. It is interesting that you are working through this, and it is no accident that it has brought with it a myriad of mixed response. Even within the comments for this post, there is vast difference in the post. I have dealt with this from people I lead, my family, and personally not trusting, and I think everyone else can relate. I want to comment on two of the comments and then your questions.
1st, "Close contact has brought about a wise judgement that there are some people I do not, cannot and will not trust. That is an established level of wise judgment - it is not unchristian or detrimental to the development of the leadership of the Church." was part of the comment left by JSL. It is interesting to read this comment, I think it is very real and honest. I do not disagree with the statement, however, I would include that if a person has warranted a level of distrust for me, they had better know that where they stand.
Mt. 18 talks about the unity of the body, and one of the most basic elements in unity is being honest with one another. It talks about confronting one another when you have been sinned against. The point isn't to invite bickering and confrontations, it is however to be real with one another. Everyone agrees that this is difficult, but if trust is going to be built, each person has to do their part, one of which is seeking to restore our trust in people by Biblical confrontation and possible subsequent removal from a position of trust. The point is, that being real about our mistrust of someone, with that person, actually builds trust.
2nd, Richard pointed out that the church doesn't nearly have the trust issues that secular culture does. Man, that opens up a can of worms, because for every trustworthy church (or person or leader in the church) there is one that is not. And for every secular organization that is not trustworthy, there is one that is. The other problem I have with this comparison is using the comparison at all. Our job as the church is not merited by its trust level relative to the world, it is merited by our level relative to Christ. If the church simply has to be better than a corrupt politician, than we may be setting the bar a bit low.
Now specifically when it comes to trust. Having been apart of several churches while at school and now serving in my second church, I have seen that this problem of trust is universal to the church. I can say with 100% certainty that the problem starts with pride. This is easy to say because also sin roots itself in pride. But this one more specifically. The church as a group is an emotional wreck. (this is not bad) Leaders, servants and attenders all have a direct emotional connection to the work being done at the church. It is the place where they encounter Christ, or should. It is the place where they join in the ministry and realize their call within the body, or they should. Because of this people have put much emotional stock into what happens at the church.
There is a lot that could be written to try to explain the levels of distrust in a church. It is different for every level of leadership. As far as the 'how', two things come to mind, time and courage. Building trust requires a painful amount of time. It is difficult to trust someone who I do not know. (this happens a ton in the Army because every recognized leadership role is moved and transitioned so often. It is difficult for the congregations in a corps, but is even more difficult for the officers when their leadership changes. How are they supposed to know how to build trust, when they have no one that they are able to fully trust pouring into them. Not to say that the leaders are not trustworthy. It is to say that it is completely impossible to build the trust of 30 corps officers in 3 years, without intensive time spent with them. (I made up the number 30)) This is not to attack the moves, but to point out that time is a major issue. People need to feel loved and a major part of that is the feeling of being heard. This takes courage. Courage to open up time and emotional energy into people's lives. When a person feels as though they were heard, you can pretty much tell them anything, as long as it is truth. (Truth/love hmmm) This is also where confrontation comes in. If people who have been loved over time, know that you will confront them honestly, they will trust you. This means even confronting things that are difficult. This takes courage. One last element of courage is being open about yourself to people. You ask people to share their lives over time and you share your life with them. I trust my wife way more than my mailman . . .although he is a nice guy, because we have shared our lives together, good, bad, fun, boring. But that happens over time and depends on the courage we have to be real with one another.
I agree this is one of the more pressing issues in the church and it ties in closely to your post about leadership a few weeks ago. I just went through a book for a class called the 'Leadership Challenge' by Kouzes and Posner. It is a secular book on leadership, but speak volumes about how to maximize people's potential, the character of a leader, how a culture of trust trickles down from the top and how every aspect of success hinges on how much people trust their leaders. It is pretty applicable.
My friend you are in a position to start changing the trust issue. I must admit that it is easier to trust Larry the "Project 117" czar than Larry the GS.
I really don't believe that but some may ... take care brother and GO BUCKS!
I forgot to tell you I am still giving up Stve Bussey's blog for lent!
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