Empty Nest?
As I write this, I am sort of misty-eyed. Janet and I officially became empty-nesters this weekend. Our oldest son has been married for almost two years to a lovely lady, who we love dearly. Our youngest just graduated university a month ago.
This past weekend, we moved Chris back to Boston, where he will start his first real job. He started today actually. He is working for the Veterans' Administration for at least the next couple of years while he sorts out Grad School and the rest of his life. On the way home we visited Joel and Kathleen. It was a great time.
We did not push Chris or Joel out of the nest, they went on their own. We would have been just as happy to have them stay with us. We have been nostalgic the last couple of weeks. As I have looked at both of the boys, I have had a flood of memories. So much of their boyhood has replayed. I have remembered laughing and crying with them. Thoughts of running around camp, playing football in the snow graduations from Kindergarten, high school and college have just been running amok in my head. I have both laughed and cried at the same time.
As Chris was leaving and as we visited Joel, I talked to each about their faith and the church. We talked about the Army and its appeal to the 20 something crowd. Both agreed that the mission of the Army is very attractive to them. The formality and protocol has pushed them at arm's length. One attends a corps, mainly from a sense of duty and the fact that he has found a group of kids he can minister to. The other has not attended the Army except when visiting us for the past couple of years. Both feel that our church is great, but is in desperate need of change.
This is not a new thing for the 20 something crew to say this. I think there have been generations when this has happened. I have not seen the exodus of younger adults to this extent though as I have in the past 5 years. The nest is emptying out except for in a select few places where mission is being placed at the forefront and the formality is being dropped.
For what it is worth, my guys struggle with uniform, uniformity, rank and they perceive the autocratic nature of leadership as a real impediment to our movement going forward. (They do sound like my kids) They shared these expressions with me without my prompting or guiding. They just opened up.
I do want to be clear that the issue with the uniform is not that they are anti-uniform. They see it as often a prideful thing instead of the servant garb it was intended to be.
I also spent time last week at a discipleship camp for teens in our division. I needed my teen retreat fix. (Once a youth worker, always a youth worker.) The teens were refreshing, but in small group, many expressed the same views my kids do. Interesting, again, this happened without prompting from some of our really outstanding young teens.
I am concerned about the exodus from the nest of the Army. I am not sure that going forward into the next generation we will reverse the trend without taking a very hard look at a few things. First, we need to trust these guys. They are educated. They are wanting to serve. They will not do something because we tell them to. They will do it because it makes sense spiritually. They deserve our trust.
Secondly, not all of them are whiny, lazy and self-absorbed as they are often painted. There is a sense of wanting change and to do it for the good. They need to be allowed to speak change to us. WE NEED TO LISTEN FOR REAL.
Thirdly, they will not practice our brand of salvationism and they will want to dive headlong into what they do. Officership may not be where they will serve. It is because for many, they feel that being an officer will limit their evangelical outreach and mission. (If you don't believe this last statement, come sit with me sometime as I have coffee with these guys.) This is not an isolated feeling. Maybe this is why the average age of our candidates for officership is rising so steadily and why it is now a 2nd career option for many. Many are not enthralled with what officership looks like. In fact, they see it as being disconnected from the covenental relationship it is meant to be. I point the finger at myself in this, because I am an officer. God forgive me if I have modeled the wrong message.
Lastly, as an employee many feel abused and almost second class as compared to officers. Most will be relegated to second place in jobs where they have more capability and experience than their officer counterparts. They will not have a voice in ecclesiastical issues, because our movement is so officer-centric. They see this as being slighted and patronized.
I believe the Army is poised for great things with this emerging generation and the next. I am afraid unless we make some drastic change the nest may get empty really fast. I hope not.
What do you think?
This past weekend, we moved Chris back to Boston, where he will start his first real job. He started today actually. He is working for the Veterans' Administration for at least the next couple of years while he sorts out Grad School and the rest of his life. On the way home we visited Joel and Kathleen. It was a great time.
We did not push Chris or Joel out of the nest, they went on their own. We would have been just as happy to have them stay with us. We have been nostalgic the last couple of weeks. As I have looked at both of the boys, I have had a flood of memories. So much of their boyhood has replayed. I have remembered laughing and crying with them. Thoughts of running around camp, playing football in the snow graduations from Kindergarten, high school and college have just been running amok in my head. I have both laughed and cried at the same time.
As Chris was leaving and as we visited Joel, I talked to each about their faith and the church. We talked about the Army and its appeal to the 20 something crowd. Both agreed that the mission of the Army is very attractive to them. The formality and protocol has pushed them at arm's length. One attends a corps, mainly from a sense of duty and the fact that he has found a group of kids he can minister to. The other has not attended the Army except when visiting us for the past couple of years. Both feel that our church is great, but is in desperate need of change.
This is not a new thing for the 20 something crew to say this. I think there have been generations when this has happened. I have not seen the exodus of younger adults to this extent though as I have in the past 5 years. The nest is emptying out except for in a select few places where mission is being placed at the forefront and the formality is being dropped.
For what it is worth, my guys struggle with uniform, uniformity, rank and they perceive the autocratic nature of leadership as a real impediment to our movement going forward. (They do sound like my kids) They shared these expressions with me without my prompting or guiding. They just opened up.
I do want to be clear that the issue with the uniform is not that they are anti-uniform. They see it as often a prideful thing instead of the servant garb it was intended to be.
I also spent time last week at a discipleship camp for teens in our division. I needed my teen retreat fix. (Once a youth worker, always a youth worker.) The teens were refreshing, but in small group, many expressed the same views my kids do. Interesting, again, this happened without prompting from some of our really outstanding young teens.
I am concerned about the exodus from the nest of the Army. I am not sure that going forward into the next generation we will reverse the trend without taking a very hard look at a few things. First, we need to trust these guys. They are educated. They are wanting to serve. They will not do something because we tell them to. They will do it because it makes sense spiritually. They deserve our trust.
Secondly, not all of them are whiny, lazy and self-absorbed as they are often painted. There is a sense of wanting change and to do it for the good. They need to be allowed to speak change to us. WE NEED TO LISTEN FOR REAL.
Thirdly, they will not practice our brand of salvationism and they will want to dive headlong into what they do. Officership may not be where they will serve. It is because for many, they feel that being an officer will limit their evangelical outreach and mission. (If you don't believe this last statement, come sit with me sometime as I have coffee with these guys.) This is not an isolated feeling. Maybe this is why the average age of our candidates for officership is rising so steadily and why it is now a 2nd career option for many. Many are not enthralled with what officership looks like. In fact, they see it as being disconnected from the covenental relationship it is meant to be. I point the finger at myself in this, because I am an officer. God forgive me if I have modeled the wrong message.
Lastly, as an employee many feel abused and almost second class as compared to officers. Most will be relegated to second place in jobs where they have more capability and experience than their officer counterparts. They will not have a voice in ecclesiastical issues, because our movement is so officer-centric. They see this as being slighted and patronized.
I believe the Army is poised for great things with this emerging generation and the next. I am afraid unless we make some drastic change the nest may get empty really fast. I hope not.
What do you think?
posted by Larry at 2:24 PM
18 Comments:
Larry,
I couldn't agree more. My joy as a DYS is to sit and have coffee with the types of people your sons represent. My oldest is almost one of them at 19 and he is saying the same thing you've heard.
This morning, I spoke with a young lady from Australia who is over here working at camp and she expressed her frustration with the disconnect between verbal and non-verbal communication. There are some in our Army who encourage our youth & twenty-somethings to enagage and simply "do something," while virtually at the same time, the machine is bringing that very same momentum to a grinding halt!
I believe that accountability is needed when we release our youth & twenty-somethings into the mission field, both at home and abroad, AND that same accountability is needed within the ranks of our dear old Army, because without it we're reaping what we've sown, a corporate giant that excels at PR and image, but is severly lacking in mission and discipleship, save for the few islands of hope to which you refer.
This comment has been removed by the author.
As a 20-something officer, I have the very same concerns...
Jimmy and I were just talking about this very issue a couple of weeks ago, on one of our nightly walks. I said to him- "look at our corps- where have all the intelligent, educated young adults gone? All the people we worked at camp with- where are they now? For the most part it doesn't appear that they've walked away from the Lord- praise God!, but they've walked away from the the Army."
Many of these friends are officer's children. As a new parent- I'm pray every day that my minstry at home will be as strong- if not stronger- as my other ministerial responsibilities!
Many of these friends weren't children of officers, but were committed corps kids.
But whoever they are, they seem to be MIA from our stats and roll books.
The draw of the Army for many college aged kids and young adults is the service aspect- the desire to help someone else. I think in the wake of 9/11, Katrina, and many other disasters, the push of our country has been to give back- and many young people are responding. We all know how great the Army is at what it does in it's service to others. But if they are unchurched,our "religious aspect" is a turn off after a while.
If they are churched- they seem to move on rather quickly.
So, what's the missing link? I'm not sure.
Having grown up mainly in the Catholic church, I know that this is not unique to us. Most young adults leave during their college years, to return when they marry, or start their own families. It seems to be a vicious cycle. But in my experience, the difference between us and them is the Spirit. Never have I felt the Holy Spirit move so freely in any other church as I have in the context of church in The Salvation Army.
Then again- sometimes we are quick to smother Him out, with our mandates, schedules, and other requirements.
I guess all I can do in my little corner of the world is make sure that I am authentic and genuine in all I due... be willing to allow the Spirit to be my compass, and not be afraid to get memos for making waves!
Hi Larry, thanks for your blog.
I read your blog a couple of days ago, and I wanted to say that the Lord is leading our young people in a fresh wave of mission. This is an amazing move of God, in The Salvation Army.
As leaders, these are times where we are called to encourage the blossoms to come into bloom. I like to smell the roses, however in the winter we are required to prune. This is more effective when we step back from the plant and have a good look at it's shape.
May the Lord enable you to share your vision in a way that your people will see and own it with you.
Thank you for listening to the heart of young people.
Blessings.
It's fascinating reading this blog entry from the UK. Here in Cornwall we are a whole stage ahead, with very small corps made up of people over retirement age, and very few have any children attending, never mind teens or people under fifty. So as far as I can see it has all happened already here. There are not enough or the right kind of leaders to reboot corps, and many would argue it is wrong to try to reboot attractional programmed churches in a culture which doesn't 'go to church' any more.
There are a small number of fresh expressions of church, including unfolding work here - I've basically moved out from the corps in order to focus on it. But it is too early to say if fresh expressions will bring in converts and make disciples who will go on to make more disciples, never mind preserve a denominational charism in some form.
I am looking at a way of working which allows us to be true to our passion for the charism of our church, TSA in my case, but which is independent of army structures and leadership models, but not necessarily independent of using the ministry of army leaders. Why do we need a name? The church in the UK has melted around the edges into informality, fluid church and every alternative imaginable.
The branded army needs to find its own solution, but I don't believe rebooting 'corps' for teens and twenties is a way forward here in the UK. Discussion welcome. :0)
brian,
not sure i completely understand where you are going. i do encourage mission and kids. i think the point is, they need something encouraging of which they can be part. i am not sure our current system is seen by them in an encouraging way
by the bay....
the branded army comment may be more true than you will ever know.
i do believe however that there is a need for the old saints to mix with the new ones it is a healthy thing, as loong as the new saints are healthy
by the bay...
i mean as long as the OLD saints are healthy
Larry I agree completely, and I think it is important to maintain links with the older generations and nourish those. Ideally I would like to see strong and warm links between the older denominations and the newer expressions of church, and the faithful and beautiful transmission of the gifts and charism of old to new. It takes courage and inner security. But there is a sense of quiet panic around - that people are abandoning ship, but the opposite is the case. We are pushing away a little in order to assess the damage after the big storm, get a healthy perspective on the vessel again and work out how to rebuild effectively - and beautifully - for God.
Neither are we abandoning confidence in our leaders - some of the most impressive Christians I've met have been senior leaders in TSA. Structural changes won't undermine that.
I've been sitting this afternoon by Penzance harbour watching an old wooden sailing vessel being rebuilt, mindful of the church!
Re the sense of belonging to a movement - yes, absolutely. I think that is important for young people. But so is church health and a confident atmosphere that problems can be discussed openly and solutions searched out together. I hope the army makes its necessary adjustments, and strong ties between old and new will remain in this time of change. Here in the UK it is encouraging to see how the denominations are helping with facilitating fresh expressions even when they know they will not be financially self supporting for a long time and are risky ventures. I am seeing real humility in some of the senior leaders around as they commit to working with people on the fluid edges, and that sense of courage as they lead us to sea in uncharted territory.
This is an adventure I will sign on for! :0)
I almost wrote about this on my own blog, but will write a shortened version on your blog instead. : )
I visited the British Library last week and had the opportunity of seeing the Magna Carta. Hard to believe that, over eight hundred years ago, the British basically outlined democracy. But they never went through with it. It would be another six hundred years before some British people living in America would put it into practice. Bare in mind that it wasn’t as if the royals didn’t know what needed to happen for democracy to take place, they just weren’t willing to give up the power to make it happen.
I feel like the same thing is equally true in TSA. It’s not as if we don’t all know the things that need to happen for TSA to be relevant again. It’s not our faith that’s chasing people away, nor is it our mission (in fact, our mission may be the one thing that attracts people), it’s the traditional garb that we’ve decided to clothe ourselves in and then hold onto with a death grip. Please don’t misinterpret. Uniforms don’t chase people away, but the spirit behind them has. Poor standards of worship (through music) and severely outdated programming has also lent to that mass exodus.
And so the question has to be asked, if people can find relevant worship, outlets for mission, and all in a church who care just as much about the poor as we do (and there are increasingly more and more of them popping up), why should anybody feel a sense of loyalty to a church which clearly feels no loyalty towards them???
It’s hard to answer that one.
No fluff here, just some straight talk.
I just want to say... for all those young adults out there... quit whining and be the agent of change that you seek!
I can't imagine any corps officer telling a young adult that has an idea for a ministry not to do it. If it has happened shame on that officer, but it hasn't been my experience as a young adult who stayed in the army or now as an officer.
Personally, I think it's a maturity issue. Blame it on the structure of the Army all you want, but until the whining stops and people put some action behind the lip service, change will never happen.
Laura,
Unfortunately, there are people being told that they cannot do things. It is not a matter of whining and I take offense that you really don't know my sons and you call them whiny. Rarely do they open their mouths about things. The facts are facts.
It is not a matter of people not wanting to be involved. The fact is they don't hold the power. When power is shared then 20 somethings will step up. Maybe if we ask the hard questions, then people will finally wake up and realized that these guys are not whiny but want a chance. They are told that if they want to do something it has strings attached. If that does not happen, then often these guys are looked at with some trepidation. These guys want accountability. They do not want the same type of salvationism we experience. In many ways I envy them. They have not settled for the status quo.
I am glad for your opportunity. The fact is that most of these people are not whiny and it is those who call them that instead of engaging them and listening who end up driving them away.
Larry,
Sorry to be a little confusing.
I just wanted to encourage the continuance of the ministry that young people have to all generations.
If we observe blocks to their ministry, then I believe we are duty-bound to have these pruned into shape, so the ministry of TSA can touch the world as it was intended.
Perhaps one of the best things we can do, is to continually tell the young peoples' stories of faith, mission, encounters, etc.. Thus affirming their ministry to the hearer, and affirming God's empowering call on their lives.
Yes, share your vision!
Blessings.
Larry,
My intention was not to offend and my comments were not directed towards your sons. I apologize that it came across that way. My comments were directed to the overall young adult population who I hear complaining about what's wrong with the Army. I constantly hear and read from one blog to the next about what's wrong with the Army. Rarely to I hear what's good about it.
Do I think that there are things about the army structure that should be changed? Absolutely. But, I also think that many young adults allow the things structurally about the army to be an excuse for them not to pursue the ministry that God has for them within the army (and, I'm not talking officership).
We are quick to point out what's wrong, but are slow to give an answer on what to do about. I just think that instead of talking about what's wrong that they need to put action behind what they say... to be the agent of change that they seek.
If so many young adults are willing to discuss what's wrong with the army, then they should ban together and become a united front and bring their concerns to those who are in positions that can make change happen. And, if it doesn't work the first time, do it again and again until change happens. We see this in the example of those who were agents of change in our country through the civil rights movement, women's right to vote, etc.
If these young adults believe in their heart that the Army is of God and has wonderful possiblities, then lets stop talking and DO something about it. Otherwise it just comes across as whining and excuses.
Be the agent of change that you seek.
Laura,
I’ve struggled to read through your comments. Though I preach a very similar message to the SA young adults that I come in contact with, I also personally know that being an “agent of change” isn’t quite as easy as just deciding to do it. In the case of the civil rights movement, many lost their lives for the basic rights that many now take for granted, in the in the case of TSA, many have lost their pensions and have been called heretics.
I too struggle not to give our young adults (of which I am one) an excuse for failure. There are more than enough of those to go around. But let us also bare in mind that while Dr. King certainly took part in his fair share of marches and sit ins at local coffee counters, he gave just as many speeches on radio, television, and on the steps of courthouses and memorials. Standing up and speaking out is part of the process, as much as it might bug some people to have to hear it.
I might also suggest that, in the case of the civil rights movement, people had the choice to either sacrifice their lives for change, or going on being oppressed. In the case of TSA, only the officers make that choice. The rest have many, many other choices, and they’re making them on a weekly basis. Sadly, too many of our Officers are beginning, after many years of fighting, to make those choices right along with them.
Finally, while I may be able to start a mission minded, relevant determined local cell group in answer to a dead local Corps, what would you suggest I do in response to an upper structure that I find unscriptural, or upper rules forbidding me to take part in something as scriptural as sacraments, or international leaders that I think might be in direct opposition to God’s will? What should I start locally to address those concerns?
Might I suggest to you that your suggestion to “ban together and become a united front and bring their concerns to those who are in positions that can make change happen” is exactly what we’re trying to do? The Army has spent years quietly filing away letters of concern sent to it by its soldiers, but an internationally accessible blog is very hard to file away (though, incidentally, I was asked to).
Laura, I'm fifty and have spent maybe fifteen/twenty years of my life in the army in one way or another.
I'm older, tougher, and more independent minded now than I was in my twenties, and have been able to carve out my own area of work despite the corps I've been in since I got back, but it has been sad, difficult and at times almost desperate. I recall training in church conflict mediation early on and an officer telling me with a grin on his face, well don't worry, the army will never use your services. Unwaged and a lone parent, I'd sunk every penny I had into paying for that training myself because there was no such resource for the churches in the area where I lived, and along with others I realised how badly it needed this provision. Likewise I took full training in pastoral ministry, am doing a theology degree, and have qualified and become experienced as a spiritual director - now supervising and working to train others. But again, I have never once been given anything to do in the army. Work, including preaching and teaching, SD, etc and now fresh expressions, comes in from the wider church, but never from the army. (I tell a lie, I did have one request to preach but it was just as I was moving house. And I've led one house group. That's since 2004.)
When someone told us a few weeks ago that one of the main tasks of officers was to engage soldiers in active service, the three of us reading it together simply laughed till we wept. The tears ran down our faces. It was so totally removed from reality at grass roots level, we howled. We love the army, we are committed to it, but we were left incredulous at the gap between what is on paper and what we see around us. It's not insincerity on the part of the officers, it is church culture, and a locked-in officer obsessed mind-set. Where the soldiers are untrained the officers despair of engaging them, but where the soldiers get trained, the officers are too insecure to use them, despite that all they want is an avenue of meaningful service. I see it again and again, replaying endlessly. My first and most clients for spiritual direction have been people fighting to cope with the years of lack of engagement in TSA while they are recognised in ministries outside the army without any difficulty.
My heart goes out to those young people who are struggling to find avenues of service. I know how terribly hard it is even for a tough old coot like me, :0) never mind someone of twenty who everyone wants to dismiss for their lack of experience.
'Being the change' means taking on a huge challenge of church structural and cultural reformation. It is likely to take decades and leave people burned out at the end of it.I know what I'm talking about because I've been there in a different context. They will have sacrificed years of energy to create opportunities they will end up too old and worn out to engage in. It ends in tiredness, resignation and grief, even though you have the sense of having done your part. Been there. Done that.
Yes, they and we need to be the change. But we need to understand the scale of what we are asking young people to take on. If they take the independent planting/emerging route or similar, they won't have to fight those battles. We need to support them whatever route they take and understand if they chose their battlegrounds other than the way we would hope for.
Lets do compassion all the way. And lets work peacefully for the structural and cultural changes that will bring all of us together safely into the adventure of mission. Above all else lets hold one another in loving support through the price we are going to pay for working for the health and blessing of the church we love.
Larry,
Check out Peter Anderson's blog.
http://proclaimingsalvation.blogspot.com
Peter had an interesting day.
Larry,
visit this young person.
www.whollyholy.blogspot.com
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